The McGowan Courage award, presented by the Mansfield Rotary Club, honors local high school students who have faced life experiences of adversity and hardship with extraordinary courage, tenacity and fortitude.
This series will highlight eight of the 2022 McGowan Courage Award recipients.
Makayla Hall wrote her own story.
I grew up in a bad environment but have only recently come to terms with it. Before I moved in with my aunt and uncle I lived with my mom. She raised me until her passing in 2013, when I was in the third grade.
Before her passing, I lived in a filthy home that my mother, for reasons of her own, decided to not keep in good condition. She had a good paying job at a nursing home with over a decade of experience and flexible hours, not to mention being on good terms with the workers and the elderly staying there.
Her excuse for working the night shift was due to it being easier on her because the seniors were mostly asleep. This meant less work for her and even less time for me to spend with her. It’s not like she didn’t have other options, she could have easily asked for a more flexible schedule. I can only assume it was due to a lack of self awareness, stubbornness and just not caring.
My mother was opposed to me playing with kids my own age and actually made sure I stuck by her side at all times. This also applied to family outings, which made zero sense because we all know each other. I can only guess my mother wanted me to be dependent on her at all times.
She would be asleep most of the day, so if I needed any help from her, like help with my homework, I’d have to ask someone else. My mother relied on my grandpa a majority of the time for the most basic necessities.
She refused to cook at home or buy groceries for the house, so my diet consisted of fast food, takeout and whatever my other family members were having for dinner. She was fully capable of having a fridge full of food for me to eat but I cannot remember a time where that was available to me.
My mother’s car was just as bad as the house. She always had fast food bags and other trash in the backseat. She rarely ever cleaned the car, and when she did it just got messy again.
I’m not sure how my mom could allow me to live in these conditions and not feel the least bit embarrassed. I know she loved me, but she had a strange way of going about it.
I was neglected in many areas of my life, but I’m willing to accept it as a problem worth understanding instead of a past nuisance.
I have demonstrated courage by talking to my therapist. I’ve made most of my progress this year as I’ve finally begun to ask questions about my mother. In my first and third year of high school, I would only talk about the events leading up to her death.
I didn’t think to ask anything about my father because it was not a priority. I was never close with my father so I didn’t see a point in learning more about him.
My dad, who passed away a few months ago, never once reached out to me. My world didn’t come crashing down because he was a stranger to me. At most I shed some tears, but I didn’t sob. It didn’t ruin my day. I just find it inconvenient that I’ll never be able to ask him questions from his perspective.
While it is true that I can ask family, specifically my grandfather, what led him to drug and alcohol abuse, it just isn’t the same as asking a person directly.
I enjoy getting information about my parents because it explains why they acted the way that they did. It explains why my house was such a mess and why my father was so absent. I can’t reverse time, but if I have an open mind about my past, I know I’ll have a better future.
I want to subvert everyone’s expectations and raise the bar for myself so that when I do achieve something it’s seen as monumental, not just good.
The 2022 McGowan Courage Awards are made possible thanks to these sponsors:
Premier Sponsor: OhioHealth
Gold Sponsor: Mechanics Bank
Silver Sponsor: Shelby Rotary
Bronze Sponsors: Buckeye Horizon, Baker’s Auto Body, Hamilton Insurance
