If you give a woman a chainsaw…
She will likely ask for an ax, as well.
And if you give her an ax, she’ll want to split firewood.
If she splits firewood, she’ll need a way to move it to the house, so she’ll ask for a wheelbarrow.
When she uses the wheelbarrow to move the firewood up the hill to the house, she may end up like this:
True story.
But those were the early days, when we cut our own wood. Despite what every homesteading book will tell you, you cannot heat your home with your own firewood when your acreage is limited – unless you live in Florida, perhaps.
In order to let the woods recover, we purchased firewood. Much easier, you’d think, right?
Not so much.
Ordering firewood is like buying a car you’ve never even seen. At least that’s how it felt, when the first two cords were delivered and dropped in the driveway by a huge dump truck.
“Is that pile two cords? I can’t tell – it’s a PILE. Are those…ants???”
Yes, they were ants. And no, it wasn’t a full two cords. In fact, it was more like a single cord, soaking wet and so full of ants we couldn’t take it inside to dry out. I’m sure I was quite the sight, slamming logs around to knock the ants out before I took them inside, and threw them straight into the woodstove.
I was pretty stressed out by the whole transaction. But like everyone that ever purchased a lemon of a vehicle, I learned to inspect what I was buying, and to check out the reputation of the seller.
Not that it was so simple. The next was a reputable tree farm that promised to stand by the amount delivered.
The first delivery was ¾ of a cord.
A cord, by the way, is 128 cubic feet, which is hard to measure in a pile. The way cordwood is normally stacked, it should measure approximately four feet wide, four feet tall, and eight feet long. 4 x 4 x 8 = 128. You can stack it any way you like, but width, multiplied by length, multiplied by height should equal 128 cubic feet. Period. Easy math – not even common core – but do people even measure the cords before tossing them into their truck? Not often.
“Dude, that’s not a cord,” I said to the guy.
“It’s a thrown cord,” he replied. “Measured by what the truck will hold.”
Thrown cord? That’s not even a thing.
Ohio law says that firewood must be sold in a cord or fraction of a cord, defined as 128 cubic feet. Nowhere does it say “thrown.”
It may also be prepackaged, like those armloads of wood wrapped in plastic you see at the local gas station for a ridiculous amount. Imagine heating your house at that price. No thanks!
You may also purchase wood in bulk –as in pile- but it must be sold by the ton and weighed on a certified scale.
No, you may not sell firewood, legally, by the truckload, rick, rack, or face cord.
A face cord, by the way, is where wood is stacked four feet high and eight feet long, and the width is simply the length of the logs. You’ll see a lot of those along the roadsides for sale. Keep driving and find a reputable dealer if you need wood.
Once we found a reputable, dependable wood guy, it was pure heaven to see that load of firewood dropped in the driveway.
Stacking wood is not even a chore after cutting, splitting, and hauling wood all on our own.
We were fortunate enough to find two great firewood dealers, but then they both retired. It is hard work, no doubt.
With our schedules, we ended up back with fuel oil, and our own firewood for emergencies. There are enough trees knocked down during storms each year to keep us warm through power outages.
And I have to admit, there’s something magical about pushing a button and having the house get warm.