When Catholic Charities asked St. Peter’s Catholic Church if they could use their location to bring author Robert Lupton to Mansfield, Father Jeremy Miller jumped at the chance. “We needed this. Our youth and especially our youth workers needed this,” he said.
The event meant putting together a youth music program to include as part of the rally and the author’s presentation.
Robert Lupton is the author of “Toxic Charities: How Churches and Charities Hurt Those They Help, And How to Reverse it,” a book about changing the way we help those in need. From years of working with intercity families in Atlanta, GA., Lupton learned some things about helping people that came as a huge surprise.
Mainly, he realized they were hurting more than they were helping. “The first year we were actually living in the neighborhood and I had time to be in homes of some of the recipient families when the gifts and packages arrived, I saw something I had never seen before…the moms were reserved, polite and maybe a little embarrassed. But if there was a dad in the household, he just disappeared; he was gone out the back door,” explained Lupton.
“And what I realized was happening is that these parents, in front of their own children, were being exposed for their inability to provide. The moms would endure that indignity for the sake of the kids, but it was more than a father’s manly pride could tolerate. It was as though his impotence was being exposed in front of his wife and kids in his own living room.”
From there, Lupton started thinking about what was happening and how to change it. “If I gave something to somebody once, it elicited appreciation. If I gave somebody something twice, it created just a little bit of anticipation. By the third time I’ve created an expectation. By the fourth time it’s become an entitlement.” Lupton called this “dependency producing” and it wasn’t working. He then considered the old adage, “If you feed a man a fish he’ll eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish, he’ll eat for a lifetime.”
Lupton went on to explain how to change one’s outlook of not viewing so many people as being in need but as people with resources and abilities. Instead of giving clothes away, they set up a Thrift Store and, if someone couldn’t afford to buy something, they could work at the store to earn the money to buy it. At Christmastime they still collected toys but sold them to parents at a huge bargain so they were the ones giving their children gifts. It was a whole new way of helping the needy by teaching them how to help themselves.
Before and after Lupton’s powerful talk, the band performed and a huge crowd of youth and youth workers sang along to the words on the screen. The “Do Something” title comes from the song by Matthew West of the same name. The song talks about doing something to make a difference instead of just complaining about it.
Pastor Paul Larson of First English Lutheran was one of several people who brought groups of youth to the rally. “I knew this would be good. I knew it was important,” said Larson after hearing Lupton’s talk.
Tim Campbell of Life Vineyard Church of Mansfield attended with his wife, Penny, and daughter McKenna. Their church site, a large home they call LifeHouse, is situated not far from St. Peter’s in downtown Mansfield, so they can serve the community more directly. “We’re excited about the new ways to look at helping people and our community,” said Campbell after the event, “while at the same time restoring pride and dignity in people instead of creating a sense of self entitlement.”
“And what I realized was happening is that these parents, in front of their own children, were being exposed for their inability to provide. The moms would endure that indignity for the sake of the kids, but it was more than a father’s manly pride could tolerate,” said Robert Lupton.
