MANSFIELD — Glynis Haney stood on the stage, notebook in her hand, recalling the handwritten account of her abuse and survival.
But when she spoke about her children, she let her arm relax. Her notepad rested at her stomach. She lifted her gaze.
A mother doesn’t need notes to describe that kind of love.
“They are my heroes,” Haney said. “They’ve always supported their mom through everything I had to do, everything I wanted to do.'”
Haney was the keynote speaker at Wednesday’s Light of Hope event, a vigil for healing and remembrance hosted by the Domestic Violence Shelter.
A survivor of domestic violence herself, Haney shared that she was in an abusive relationship for 23 years.
Glynis Haney smacks two boards together, simulating the sound that still echoes through her mind when she thinks about the morning she was beaten with the handle of ax. Credit: Katie Ellington-Serrao 
Glynis Haney speaks about how her children gave her the strength to leave an abusive relationship. 
Glynis Haney embraces her daughter during a domestic violence awareness vigil held Wednesday night. 
Glynis Haney embraces her daughter during a domestic violence awareness vigil held Wednesday night. 
Glynis Haney, left, speaks with Colleen Rice, executive director of the Domestic Violence Shelter. 
Overseer Renea Collins embraces Glynis Haney, an entrepreneur and domestic violence survivor. 
Frames displayed the names of the 21 women known to have lost their lives to domestic violence since the Shelter opened in 1978. 
Richland County Commissioner Tony Vero reads a proclamation in recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 
Brian Reich leads a meditation during Wednesday’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month vigil. 
Judge Michael Kemerer lays flowers beside frames with the names of local women who lost their lives to domestic violence. 
Glynis Haney shares her story of survival. 
Glynis Haney, right, hugs a woman who lost her mother to domestic violence. Haney, a domestic violence survivor, spoke about her experience during an awareness month candlelight vigil.
Her first encounter with the Domestic Violence Shelter came in 1995, after her legs were beaten with the wooden handle of an ax.
She thought her children had slept through the attack, which occurred in the wee hours of the morning. They hadn’t.
When the attacker finally relented and fell asleep, they approached her with packed bags and begged her to take them away.
She did — but only for three months.
Colleen Rice, executive director of the Domestic Violence Shelter, said it’s common for survivors of domestic violence to return to their abuser multiple times before finally breaking free.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline estimates survivors of abuse return an average of seven times before they leave for good. The reasons people stay vary — shame, fear, or a lack of resources can all be a factor.
For Haney, it was about her children. She spent the next five years going back and forth between the shelter and her abusive relationship.
The day her abuser punched her in front of her 15-year-old son was the breaking point.
Need help?
The Domestic Violence Shelter serves survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, human trafficking and stalking. The Shelter serves people of all ages, genders and sexual orientations.
To contact the shelter, call the 24/7 Crisis Line at 419-774-5840 or visit thedvshelter.com and click the blue “Chat Now” button.
That night, she climbed out her living room window, into the pouring rain, and ran.
“That was the day that I made the decision that I would never go back because my son was going to kill (my abuser), and I knew that, and I couldn’t put my children in no more danger,” Haney said. “They had been through enough.”
Haney said forgiveness and boundaries helped her move forward
The Domestic Violence Shelter provided Haney with resources like legal advocacy. They helped her find a job and a place to live. But her problems didn’t evaporate.
“I still had to watch my back,” Haney said. “I still had to figure out how to get from Point A to Point B safely, because he was still following me around. He found out where I was at. He would come to my job.”
Haney was eventually granted a civil protection order, though she said her abuser didn’t abide by it. He eventually went to jail for unrelated crimes.
Haney went on to start her own business, G’s Catering, which provided cupcakes and sandwiches for the vigil.
She even found the strength to forgive her abuser and herself. She said it’s what she had to do to truly move forward.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
Lewis B. Smedes
“I didn’t know if I ever could forgive, but with prayer, my pastor, my children, I’ve learned to forgive. I’m walking in forgiveness now,” she said.
“I had to forgive myself for allowing myself to be in a situation that long. Then I went to my children and I had to ask them for forgiveness too.”
Haney said forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation or a restoration of trust.
“When you forgive, you have to set healthy boundaries for yourself,” she said. “Don’t allow nobody to talk to you crazy again. Don’t allow nobody to put their hands on you again.”
Haney summed up it up with a quote from Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
She hopes her story will inspire anyone experiencing domestic violence that it’s possible to leave and start fresh.
“I’m a living witness that you can,” she said. “Decades later, I’m here.”
“Please do not stay in a situation. It’s not worth it. In the words of our daughter, ‘You are enough. You don’t have to live like that.'”
Shelter offers advocacy services, 24 hour helpline
The Domestic Violence Shelter is available to help anyone facing domestic violence, sexual assault, dating violence, human trafficking or stalking. The Shelter serves people of all ages, genders and sexual orientations.
The Shelter provides crisis hotline, case management, child advocacy, legal advocacy, hospital advocacy, support groups, education and a 24-hour shelter with private rooms and shared living spaces.
Shelter advocates can also assist callers or chatline participants with planning a safe exit.
Richland County’s shelter was among the first of its kind in Ohio. Rice said financial support from the community has been key to the shelter’s operations.
“This was a community effort from the very beginning in 1978,” she said. “In order for us to continue the good work that’s happening and to help families like Glynis’, we need that community support from local foundations and from local donors.”
Remember their names: local women lost to domestic violence
Wednesday’s event was a celebration of survivors’ resilience, but also a chance to remember those who have lost their lives to domestic violence.
As audience members held out candles, Mansfield City Councilman Aurelio Diaz read the names of 21 local women who have been killed in a domestic violence incident since 1978.
Jennifer. Michelle. Reba. Shirley. Margie. Ann Marie. Elizabeth. Judy. Tambelina. Jacqueline. Darla. Vanessa. Laura. Rachel. Lynn. Rhonda. Denise. Kaitlyn. Candice. Gabi. Melinda.
Rice said funds are stretched at the shelter due in part to the expiration of COVID-19 relief funds and the continued need for services.
Rice said the shelter is currently full, despite an expansion just two years ago.
“We’re in overflow status right now. We are also having to use hotels in the area, which is what happens when we don’t have enough space in the shelter,” she said.
“It’s mostly because we’re also accepting victims of human trafficking. We are seeing more and more people are being identified as victims of human trafficking.”
To learn more about the shelter or to donate, visit thedvshelter.com.
