MANSFIELD — Damien Beauford knows a barbershop is more than a place to get a haircut. It’s a place to chat, to joke, to commiserate. It’s a place where men can bond and friendships form.
Now, he’s trying to create more spaces for men to find community — no razors or combs required.
“We wanted to create a space for men to be able to talk to one another, no agenda, just get together as men and talk about their problems, their life, where they are, share stories,” said Beauford, the owner of 419 Barbershop.
The idea came from a customer named Willie Salas, an elder at Shiloh Baptist Church.
“He was talking about just getting men together,” Beauford said. “Probably three weeks in a row, he’s like, ‘Man, you need to do something.'”
Those conversations resulted in Mansplaining, a new event open to men of all ages, races, religions and backgrounds. The first meeting will be Friday at 5:30 p.m. at Third Cup Tea in downtown Mansfield.
Organizers Beauford, Braxton Daniels and Aurelio Diaz say there’s no agenda for the event. It’s simply a place for men to get together, share their experiences and support each other.
“Men don’t typically have a place to go to talk about their issues,” Daniels said. “We deal with a lot of the same issues, but we don’t realize it at all because we don’t share.”
Diaz, a Mansfield city councilman and community health worker, said he believes people are craving meaningful connection but struggle to find it.
“I think we’re at a point where people are just hungry for friendships and opening up,” he said. “I think people are willing to be more open about it than they were even like three years ago.”
Why loneliness matters
In May, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the “epidemic of loneliness and isolation.”
According to Murthy, both loneliness (a feeling of distress surrounding a lack of connection) and social isolation (an objective lack of relationships, group identity and interaction) can have negative effects on a person’s physical and mental health.
“(Loneliness) is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death,” Murthy wrote.
“The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity.”
Fortunately, the reverse is also true. Scientists have linked friendship with lower blood pressure and better sleep.
According to the Mayo Clinic, adults with strong social connections are less at risk for depression, high blood pressure and unhealthy body mass index.
Diaz noted that in Richland County, most suicide attempts are committed by men. He hopes the connections formed at Mansplaining will allow men to feel safe talking about the challenges they face.
“The need is so important now with men struggling with opening up about family dynamics, their mental health,” Diaz said.
While there’s not a lot of research on loneliness in men, studies have found evidence that being a part of a social group — especially one with a specific focus like a sports team, club or volunteer organization — can help combat social isolation.
Diaz said he’s seen friends’ quality of life improve from being in Alcoholics Anonymous, a support group that emphasizes honesty and transparency about one’s struggles in a confidential community.
“(Mansplaining) is not a support group, but there is support there as a group,” Diaz said.
Daniels, who owns Third Cup Tea, said Mansplaining is about more than just working through heavy issues. It’s about forming friendships. His childhood was characterized by community. His father’s friends were his “uncles.” They were men he looked up to. They looked out for him.
Now 27, he said he’s still looking for those types of relationships.
“Who’s my group of guys?” he said. “Who’s going to be watching my kids? Who’s going to be uncle (so-and-so)?
“I’m still tying to find like-minded individuals who are close or right around my age.”
The three men say they hope to host Mansplaining sessions weekly and possibly in different locations.
“Your comfort zone will kill you,” Daniels said. “I think being in different locations brings out different ideas.”
They also stressed that Mansplaining is not a networking group.
“We don’t care about your status, we don’t care about what you do, that doesn’t define you,” Beauford said.
The men acknowledged that forging real, authentic relationships isn’t easy, and that creating an environment where others feel comfortable opening up will have to start with them.
Still, they’re optimistic about the impact Mansplaining could have. Beauford said he hopes that a few years from now, the men involved will be able to say they’ve grown.
“If I’m a better man, everybody I’m connected to in my life better,” he said.
Daniels said he hopes that growth will inspire area men to give back to their community.
“Two years from now, we want to see these guys involved in our day-to-day community events, helping the kids out,” he said.
Diaz agreed, saying he hopes fostering strong young men and older mentors can help curb violence in Mansfield.
“The homicides, the shootings — these are young men and boys mostly,” he said. “They have missed out on opportunities for having purposeful (recreational) programs, having stable fathers and male role models. With that anger comes a lot of sadness.
“Maybe once we feel stronger and happier as a whole, we can not just be happy with ourselves with our families, but help other people.”
