MANSFIELD – The words that filled endless pages of childhood journals, unfinished novels and notes on Caity Neuberger’s phone culminated earlier this month in her first print publication in Bella Grace magazine.
“I have been writing my whole life,” Neuberger said. “I just have always loved words and what they can do.
“Sometimes (writing) feels like it’s the only way I can think. It really helps me process, and also sometimes, it’s the only thing that makes it all feel real.”
Neuberger said she has felt this way her entire life, and has always been amazed with the power words have to make sense of even the most complicated of situations.
Although Neuberger has been digitally published on countless websites over the years, the Bella Grace publication was her first tangible publication – which made it all the more special.
Neuberger drew inspiration for her article, “Seized by a Sunny Day,” from her four young kids.
All under the age of six, Neuberger wrote of one summer day last year where, amidst the craziness and frustrations that come along with parenting her “motley crew,” she found a moment of peace outside with her kids.
Neuberger said prior to that day, she had felt so immediately stressed and overwhelmed every morning. Desperate for a change, she packed her kids onto their front porch for breakfast where, for the first time in a long time, Neuberger felt a sense of calm.
“When we sat outside, I wasn’t trying to control anything, or make anything happen, or get started on my to-do list right away,” Neuberger said. “We just sat outside and it was so nice.
“Whenever I have a moment like that when something’s different, that’s usually when I write it. I’m like ‘Oh, I feel like I got another little piece of the puzzle of the way life is supposed to be.’ ”
Neuberger said that, like her piece in Bella Grace, most of her inspiration to write comes from her kids. Her 5-year-old, 3-year-old twins and 2-year-old give Neuberger the chance to once again view the world through the innocent, curious eyes of a child.
Despite the chaos that ensues with small children, Neuberger said she is grateful for how her children have changed her writing.
“For me, it was special that this piece, the first real published piece, was about my kids,” Neuberger said. “It wasn’t about me, not about me seeking success for myself, but just words coming out of my real, normal, everyday life, and my kids made it even more beautiful.”
When the magazine was finally on shelves, Neuberger and her whole family took a trip to Barnes & Noble to celebrate the publication.
Neuberger laughed as she said she had a grand plan of sitting down and reading her article to her kids, but they could not help but run to the bakery where cases of cookies seemed much more interesting.
Although her children are too young to understand Neuberger’s success, she said this milestone prompted a week-long celebration where no one could dampen her mood.
“It was so exciting,” Neuberger said. “My mom sent me flowers one day. She didn’t tell me she was gonna do it, and somebody came to my door with this huge bouquet and I just was in awe.
My husband is not someone who shows a lot of emotion, and my kids didn’t really understand what was going on … But during that week, I was just in celebration mode. I didn’t even care if anybody else was because I was.”
Aside from her kids, Neuberger also draws inspiration to write from her faith — faith has served as a constant even in her most desperate times.
One of those times came shortly after her twins were born. Neuberger remembered that even when she felt beyond defeated and in-over-her-head, her faith guided her through
“Some of the best writing I did was during my twins,” Neuberger said. “When they were born I felt like I just couldn’t handle anything. I would be awake at night, either breastfeeding or like rocking one in the dark, and I would be praying and writing stuff on my phone.
“I was not doing well. I had so many meltdowns and breakdowns, but I still knew that (my faith) was what was holding me. It didn’t feel like I could live through it, but (God) was holding onto me.”
Prayer is also what has gotten Neuberger through many years of hearing “No” from publication companies. In addition to her articles, Neuberger has also written a couple novels which have not been published.
Neuberger said she always receives great feedback, but it seems that publishers and agents are only interested in authors with a pre-established reputation and following. While it has been hard to accept this reality, Neuberger said she has faith that God will put her on the best path, which, for now, seems like pursuing smaller articles.
“Looking back, a part of me feels like as a child I would have been like ‘Really, at almost 30 this is all you’ve done?’” Neuberger said.
“I’ve wanted to be published for a long time, but when I see the path that I’ve been on, I think I’ve celebrated this success so much more than if it was something that just happened really fast or happened really easily.”
Neuberger is not quite ready to give up on her dream of publishing a full novel. Her next project is a nonfiction book that already has a clear outline.
Neuberger said she is unsure of what her future will look like, but is excited to continue pursuing her childhood dream as an author.
While it can be hard to find time to devote to writing amidst her busy schedule, Neuberger said she will continue writing in the little margins of life with the hope that she can continue to find the moments of peace and reflection.
