MANSFIELD – Fifteen purple carnations lay somberly on the floor of Ovalwood Hall at the Mansfield campus of The Ohio State University.
Fifteen carnations to remember the loss of fifteen victims of domestic violence, purple to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The flowers were surrounded by shimmering candles, and surrounded again by a group of people come together to never forget.
Jill Donnenwirth, director of community based services at The Domestic Violence Shelter, explained Thursday night’s candlelight vigil was to honor the survivors of domestic violence as well as remembering the victims.
Sometimes the stories shared ended happily, such as the story of a survivor who is now living in her own apartment with the help and encouragement of the Shelter.
Other times, the stories had a more harrowing ending. Donnenwirth shared the story of a survivor who was beaten within an inch of her life by her husband. Her teeth were knocked out, and she may suffer permanent blindness in one eye after the eyeball came out of its socket.
After her beating, the woman’s abuser went to prison for only five years. He is now out of prison and off of probation in the community. She lives in fear every day that he will come back for her.
“We’re lucky that she’s still here,” Donnenwirth said. “The local police department that responded said if she had not gotten outside, she would have lost her life. When they came, they had to pull their guns to stop him from stomping her head in.
“She’s petrified, but she’s a survivor,” Donnenwirth continued. “She has her own apartment, she has a job. But she pushes the couch in front of her door every night out of fear.”
However, no story was quite as gut-wrenching as that of Kimberly Williams, who described the abusive stepfather she lived with as a “monster.” Her voice trembled as she remembered the physical, verbal, mental and sexual violence her stepfather levied towards herself, her mother and her siblings.
“Growing up with him was probably the scariest nightmare I’ve ever lived,” she said.
On Oct. 30, 1981, Williams’ stepfather murdered her mother and grandmother, and shot her uncle before attempting to take Williams’ life. He was convicted of murder in July of 1982 and was sentenced to 40 years to life in prison, where he remains to this day.
“I could tell you step by step everything that happened that day, because it doesn’t go away in your memory,” she said, her voice breaking. “I struggled all the time, I was angry and crying and scared all the time. But finally over the years, I was able to honestly forgive him.”
Kathy Ezawa, director of the Shelter, said sometimes in her work she hesitates to talk about the traumas that inevitably come with her job. However, Thursday was an exception.
“It’s difficult to hear and difficult to experience, and when you’re talking to other people about it, it’s really hard for them to comprehend,” Ezawa said. “But tonight we want to talk about those people who lost their lives.”
According to Ezawa, a little more than 100 people died last year in Ohio because of domestic violence. She made note of the murders of several women recently at the hands of accused serial killer Shawn Grate.
“I challenge all of us in the community to take the next step so we can bring an end to domestic violence,” Ezawa said.
Above all, all speakers at Thursday’s event pleaded for compassion.
“We don’t know what people go through,” Donnenwirth said. “Be kind. It’s not that hard to do.”
