MANSFIELD, Ohio – Updated June 12, 2015 – For more than half his life, Ralph Baughman was rarely seen without a drink in his hand. But it took him years to realize he was an alcoholic.
“I knew I drank too much but I didn’t realize how bad of a problem I had,” he said.
Now six months into sobriety, the 54-year-old father of four is able to recognize the personal and physical toll his alcoholism has had on his life. He hopes his story will serve as a message to others struggling with the disease – most importantly, a message to his children.
“Alcohol might not eat you up in a day, but it will destroy you over the years,” he said.
The first drink
Ralph was born and raised in Mansfield, the product of a loving mother and a strict father. He describes his childhood as “pretty normal.”
“I had everything I needed, not everything I wanted,” he said.
There was no alcohol in the Baughman household when Ralph was growing up. Though he heard tales of his grandfather being an alcoholic, he never saw the man with a drink in his hand. The substance wasn’t introduced in his life until the age of 15.
“We had this neighbor…there was a realtor that had the house and he just used it to bring women there and party,” Ralph remembers. “My brother had this bright idea that he was going to break into the house and steal a six-pack of beer.
“I drank one and a half beers, went back to the house and lay down and the room started spinning. I threw up hanging out the window and swore I’d never do it again,” he said.
Ralph did drink again, got sick again and swore once more that he’d never do it again. But eventually the sickness subsided and the room stopped spinning, and Ralph discovered he could drink as much as he liked. As a teenager he remembers smoking marijuana and drinking a six-pack with friends while cruising the back roads.
After graduating from Madison High School Ralph went into the construction business, same as his brother. According to Ralph, he soon discovered in that world, drinking was not only encouraged but also expected.
“Construction and alcohol go together,” he said. “You have to figure most of your construction workers drink; they work hard and play hard. I just fell in that crowd, people around me would drink and I thought this is what badass construction workers do.
“I didn’t realize for years that my drinking was a problem. I just thought it was what construction workers do, a part of life – you put your nail bag on, your hammer on one side and your beer on the other,” Ralph recalled. “But that’s not the way it’s supposed to be.”
It wasn’t long before Ralph’s drinking progressed to where he was drinking before, during and after work. At the age of 25 he started his own home improvement business that ran for 16 years – without anyone to answer to, his drinking went unchecked.
“The first thing I’d do when I got up in the morning was turn on the TV, light a cigarette and pop a beer,” said Ralph. “I could drink all day long, nobody to answer to, just try not to let the homeowners know. It just went on and on. Over time I could drink more and still get up and go to work every day.”
At the peak of his drinking Ralph would average about 18 beers per day, mostly on an empty stomach. However, the effects were almost never negative.
“I felt more confident; I felt smarter and stronger and could work harder,” he said. “That was my thinking; we all know that’s not true but I didn’t see it at the time.”
Other addictions
Ralph drank beer from morning to night for 27 years, every single day. The alcohol and marijuana were constants in his life, an everyday activity – it wasn’t long before other substances were introduced into his repertoire, including cocaine and other psychedelic drugs.
“I couldn’t afford to do cocaine every day but when I did it I’d do it good, a few times a week,” said Ralph. “In my early 30s I quit doing cocaine and all I did was drink and smoke weed.”
Ralph’s marijuana use was not excessive, but something he believed was necessary to function every day.
“I didn’t smoke at work because weed made me lazy, but I had to have something before I went home to my wife and kids or I was a miserable sumbitch, I couldn’t even stand to be around myself,” he said. “But give me a few hits of weed and I mellowed out.”
Almost 12 years ago, right around the time Ralph was going through a divorce, he was able to kick his marijuana habit. But another substance would soon take its place as an everyday habit: oxycodone.
“I had my business for 16 years until my back finally gave out on me, I’ve got degenerative disc disease and I worked to where I couldn’t even walk anymore,” Ralph explained. “I was addicted to oxycodone because of my back problems, my back surgeries. Not that it would’ve helped, but they didn’t tell me how addictive that shit was.”
At the peak of his oxycodone addiction, Ralph would snort 18 to 20 pills a day – this on top of the 20 beers he would drink every day. It was a habit he kept up until six years ago, after his first visit to rehab for his alcohol addiction.
“I went to rehab with all intentions of getting off alcohol, but I had no intentions of getting off my pills,” said Ralph. “I didn’t think I’d be able to get out of bed without them.”
It took three relapses and three more visits to rehab before Ralph could finally let go of his pills.
“I don’t miss them, I don’t think about them, it’s like they were never part of my life,” he said. “I had a moment of clear thinking – I guess the fear of not having enough money to get them and being sick is mainly why. I don’t get around very well, I still have a lot of back pain, but I feel just as good now without them as I did with them.”
For the first time in years, the only vice Ralph had left to conquer was alcohol – but that addiction proved to be the most difficult to beat.
The turning point
Six years ago was the first time Ralph sought help for his alcohol addiction, simply because he was tired of drinking all the time. Up until that point he hadn’t felt any physical effects from his alcoholism, but it was starting to catch up quickly.
“I wanted to get off my alcohol, I could feel it wearing on my body,” he said. “I just wasn’t what I used to be, I started getting sick in the mornings, and the only thing that took that sickness away was to drink more beer.”
After leaving rehab the first time, Ralph was able to stay sober for two months – the longest period of time he’d ever been sober. But right around the holidays he had a relapse, and bought a 12-pack of beer. And absolutely hated it.
“Mind you that was my breakfast, lunch, dinner and all-day snack time, but I took a drink and I could not stand the taste of that shit,” said Ralph. “It was god-awful nasty and I could hardly swallow it. Being an alcoholic of course I managed to drink it no matter what it tasted like, but I thought well, they tell me vodka doesn’t have much of a taste.
“That’s when my world went to hell.”
Ralph’s transition from beer to vodka was slow at first; he started out drinking a pint of vodka every day, then two pints, and by the end he could drink a quart of vodka every day. But the liquor had a very different effect on him versus the beer.
“That’s when it really took its physical toll on me – I’d wake up sick every morning, throwing up, shaking, until I could get some liquor in me,” he said. “A lot of times it came right back up, but a good alcoholic don’t want to waste the alcohol. If I wasn’t power puking and I just spit it up in the back of my mouth I’d just reswallow because I didn’t want to spit the alcohol out. If I could hold that down, I was fine the rest of the day.”
In the last year of his alcoholism, Ralph said he was blackout drunk every single day – falling into doors and knocking them off their hinges, putting holes in walls, and even earning six staples on top of his head. One time, he said, he was mowing grass and passed out, falling off the mower and wedging his foot under the mower. His brother had to pull him out.
“I don’t remember none of that, I don’t even remember mowing grass,” he said. “I’d wake up sore and with bruises and I didn’t know how I got them, and I was too embarrassed to ask people what I did last night.
“Other than my work and some of my friends, I didn’t like being around crowds of people because I knew they were going to smell alcohol on me and I’m going to be embarrassed because they’re going to know I’m drunk, so I just avoided those situations.”
Ralph said he always knew with the vast amounts of alcohol that he consumed, if he ever switched to liquor he would probably kill himself. And that’s exactly what happened – at one point, four years ago, Ralph found himself in intensive care on life support because his kidney, liver and bladder were all shutting down.
“There was one year I figure I spent more time in the back of an ambulance than I did my own car,” he said. “I have spent more time in treatment centers, detox centers, emergency rooms, intensive care, in the last six years than I have at home.
“This I don’t like to tell people but maybe it’ll help somebody down the road to never give up and never lose hope: In the last six years, just treatment centers and 30-day programs and detox programs, I have been to treatments 38 times,” he said. “Which is ridiculous.”
A miracle happens
There is a popular mantra among addicts in recovery saying that rehabilitation can’t happen until you want it for yourself. Ralph has a problem with that.
“I have a problem with people saying you’ve got to want it, because I did want it,” he said. “I struggle with that thought, though – did I really want to quit drinking, or did I just not want to be sick anymore? I don’t know. I thought I wanted to quit.”
Ralph was at a point in his life where he would either be sick or drunk every single day, there was no in between. He’d been in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for 10 years, but even while attending meetings he struggled with his drinking habit.
“I would drink before meetings and go in legally drunk, I’d drink as soon as I got out,” Ralph remembers. “A couple years ago I got so bad off I couldn’t even make it through an hour-long AA meeting without drinking so I’d stop and get a 20-ounce Mountain Dew, pour half of it out and fill the rest with vodka. I was a very sick person, and was for years.”
After seeking treatment and failing 38 times, Ralph recognizes the reason for his relapses is he didn’t follow the proper steps after leaving treatment; he never got a sponsor or attended follow-up meetings, and he isolated himself.
“I was fine as long as I was in a center, but the moment I got out my brain just flip-flopped and I never followed up on anything,” he said.
But one mantra that did stick with Ralph was repeated over and over at his meetings: Keep coming back until the miracle happens. And eventually, it did – Ralph has been sober now for six months. He said he feels healthier and more confident now than he’s ever felt.
“I didn’t think it would happen for me, I thought I was one of them unfortunates and I was born this way,” he said. “Odds are really against people with addictions. It’s up to the individual if they want to be in the small percentage or the big percentage. If you truly want to quit and you’ve had enough, it can work.”
For the last six years, even throughout the hellish years of his liquor addiction, Ralph said he never gave up on himself. There have been times he’s felt helpless, but never hopeless.
“I always had hope but I felt nobody could help me,” he said. “I’d go to all these treatment centers, meet with all these professionals, and my thinking at the time was well if you guys can’t help me then there’s no help for me. Now I’ve come to realize they can only make suggestions, but I’ve got to help myself. So now I don’t feel helpless anymore. But I never did feel hopeless; I’ve always had hope.”
A cautionary tale
Though Ralph has been sober for six months now he still struggles with addiction, but not his own – his concern is for his children.
Ralph said his children have no idea how many times he himself has been in the hospital, but he would sometimes go months without seeing them due to being sick or in treatment.
“Then there for a couple years they didn’t want to be around me because who wants to be around a drunk,” he said.
He said he tells his children all the time what alcoholism has done to their father, but to no avail.
“I don’t think my story will be an influence on them,” said Ralph. “I know what it’s like to be an addict and alcoholic at their age, addicts and alcoholics are going to do what they want to do anyhow. You can watch your father almost die but until they want it for themselves, I don’t think I could influence them in any way. They know I’m sober and they still do what they’re going to do.”
In the meantime, Ralph has his sights set on the future – he still has a lot of things he’d like to do. But knowing his susceptibility to relapsing, he proceeds with caution.
“I’m very early in sobriety and I’ve learned not to let my guard down, not to feel comfortable,” said Ralph. “People get a few months of sobriety under their belt and they have a relapse, but they say it’s a one-time deal for them and they keep coming back.
“For me, if I were to relapse and start drinking again, I probably wouldn’t make it back,” he said. “For me, it’s life or death.”
Mental health and substance abuse treatment combined with healthcare reform is helping some local residents along the Road to Recovery from addiction. In the series, Road to Recovery, Richland Source shares their stories in cooperation with the Richland County Alcohol, Drug Addiction and Mental Health Board.
