“We come from the land of ice and snow.” — Led Zeppelin, “Immigrant Song”
We are less than two weeks away from Groundhog Day, the wondrous meteorological moment when a nervous, winter-weary nation learns if an early spring is in the offing.
Well, just in case anyone was starting to believe spring might be an early arrival, winter would like a word.
A big, cold white word.
Snow.
The National Weather Service office in Cleveland has issued a Winter Storm Watch from Saturday evening through Monday morning for portions of north central and northwest Ohio.
The watch area includes Richland, Ashland and Knox Counties. Hell, it includes almost the entire state.
Forecasters warn more than six inches of snow is possible — which, by local standards, is enough to cancel plans, spark bread-and-milk runs, and inspire several thousand variations of the phrase, “I’m so over this.”
We are, too.
The heaviest snow is expected to fall on Sunday, giving residents the full weekend experience: snow on Saturday night, more snow on Sunday, and the delightful bonus of sub-zero wind chills Saturday night into Sunday morning — and again Sunday night into Monday morning, just in time to welcome the workweek.
Sheriffs’ offices around the state will be spinning the Jeopardy game show dial to see which level of snow emergency we need to see next. “Give me a Level 2 for $500, Alex!”
Stop laughing. Or crying. Or both. We are not making this stuff up.
Travel could become difficult, according to forecasters, which in practical terms means slippery roads, slow commutes, and at least one neighbor who insists his four-wheel drive makes him invincible.
The hazardous conditions could also complicate the Monday morning commute, a time already known for patience-testing traffic, questionable coffee quality, and the collective realization that winter is, in fact, still very much in charge.
Officials are advising residents to monitor forecasts closely and consider delaying travel if possible.
If you must venture out, they recommend packing a winter storm kit — including tire chains, booster cables, a flashlight, a shovel, blankets, extra clothing, water, a first aid kit, and anything else that might help you survive until either help arrives or spring finally does.
In the meantime, North Central Ohioans are encouraged to do what they do best: complain about the weather, shovel anyway, and quietly hope that this is winter’s last dramatic performance of the season.
Somehow we doubt it.
All of that snow is going to be prefaced — and followed — by more bone-chilling cold.
Outside temps on Friday afternoon will drop to around 5 degrees by late afternoon with wind chills down to -10.
The actual low Friday night will fall to around -5 with wind child values down to -13.
The high Saturday will top out around 10 with snow expected to begin Saturday night.
The high Sunday is expected to soar up to 18 with an overnight low of 4.
For those of us who survive until Monday, it will be partly sunny with a high near 13 and an overnight low driving back down to 2 degrees.
And oh yeah, the chance of snow returns on Wednesday.