This morning, I had a conversation with a friend during which I made an off-hand comment about my opinion on a recent local political matter. I disagreed with the outcome of the event and assumed she did too. So, I was a bit surprised when she voiced her disagreement with my opinion and explained why she felt differently about the matter.
I listened to her thoughts, shared why I felt differently and we identified some common ground in our opinions. Then we proceeded to talk about other things.
What I loved about that interaction was that she didn’t bring any emotion into the conversation, and neither did I. Even though we didn’t agree on the topic before or after our conversation, it only strengthened my opinion of her because of the way the conversation carried out.
Having conversations with people about topics we disagree on can be incredibly difficult, and while disagreements are as old as time, we live in a particularly polarized time where frustrations seem to be running high and division between people seems greater than ever. Yet, healthy dialogue can provide perspective, understanding and empathy. In fact, the very avoidance of these hard conversations is a significant contributing factor to the growing divide itself.
Colleen Cook works full-time as the Director of Operations at Vinyl Marketing in Ashland, where she resides with her husband Mike and three young daughters. She’s an insatiable extrovert who enjoys finding reasons to gather people.
So, how do you approach a conversation about a topic on which you disagree without charging in aggressively or backing down altogether? The first thing each person should do is consider why they’re having the conversation. Is the purpose of the dialogue to convince the other person, or to discuss your differing perspectives? Are you open to leaving with no minds changed?
When we hold a strong opinion, we can easily begin to demonize all people with an opposing viewpoint. Consider approaching the conversation as an inquisitive listener, intent on gaining understanding.
When we believe there’s only one right conclusion to draw from the evidence, we eliminate the possibility that the person across from us can draw an intelligent, informed, yet different conclusion than us. That can force us to draw conclusions about them instead of their viewpoint. What questions can you ask to help you understand what led them to their belief?
Next, consider what boundaries you will place around the conversation to protect the relationship. Are there aspects of this conversation that are especially sensitive for you due to a lived experience that you’re not comfortable discussing? If the conversation devolves into an argument, are you willing to engage? Should the conversation become emotionally charged, are you prepared to de-escalate?
Finally, give strong consideration to your mode of communication. Difficult conversations are meant to happen face to face, not via less personal forms of communication such as social media or even phone calls. If you find yourself engaging with someone with whom you disagree and you’d like to pursue the conversation, ask them to meet for lunch to discuss further rather than continuing the discussion in a platform that eliminates the opportunity for human interaction.
