There’s a lot to disagree about these days. Each day, it seems the lines that divide us get drawn in new and surprising ways. Moreover, messages about how we should feel about that division are conflicting and difficult to navigate. Someone you may have seen eye to eye with a week ago on most issues might take a differing stance on another thing, and the world we live in loudly sends the message that, “You’re either with us, or against us!”
[Quick note: I’m going to share a strong opinion of mine, and I hope you’ll keep reading even if we disagree on this one. I promise, we’re going somewhere.]
I feel strongly about wearing masks in public places. I don’t wear a mask in every single instance where I can safely social distance, or in certain small groupings of people who have been within my “quarantine container,” but in a crowded or public place, I’m pretty insistent on the matter.
Over the past few months, I’ve discovered an ugly thing happening when I do go to a public place, that’s only gotten worse over time. If I’m in a busy public space, say a grocery store, and I see someone coming near me without the proper use of a mask, I feel my blood boil. I’m infuriated that this person isn’t giving the courtesy of protection to me that I’m showing to them. My internal dialogue is hateful, honestly. I fantasize about telling them off (from a safe social distance) and shaming them into sharing my conviction… since we all know that’s an effective way to convince someone.
As a result, I’ve largely stopped putting myself into that situation. I’ve all but entirely shifted to grocery delivery or pickup, which truthfully is the greatest thing that has ever happened to a working mom, and tried to avoid settings that invoke that level of emotion in me. While that’s a good, self-governed solution, it’s no fix.
The thing I have been lacking in this situation is empathy. Empathy relies on meeting someone where they are, sharing their perspective and understanding their emotion. Rather than extending empathy to these individuals for even a moment, I have had a complete and total block of why anyone would make the choice not to wear a mask.
Colleen Cook works full-time as the Director of Operations at Vinyl Marketing in Ashland, where she resides with her husband Mike and three young daughters. She’s an insatiable extrovert who enjoys finding reasons to gather people.
Then, an interesting thing happened this week. A person in my community who I don’t know but am familiar with shared a video online pouring out their heart about how masks represent something bigger for them, something they’re struggling with personally. I saw the video because someone I know and respect deeply shared it online, bravely voicing that they were feeling the same way, and felt isolated in their controversial opinion.
The video that was posted didn’t convince me to agree on the matter, nor was it trying to do so, but it gave me an insight that invited me into the first spark of empathy I’ve been able to have for the human beings on the other side of this issue. I felt an internal release of pent up anger, and while I still feel just as strongly in opposition on the matter itself, it began to soften my heart towards the people making a different choice than my own. The friend who posted the video and I had a wonderful, productive conversation about the issue that was rooted in respect and kindness towards each other, keeping our priorities in place.
A far more pervasive illness in our world today than anything a mask can protect us from is the belief that empathy and dialogue are exclusively for people with whom we agree. The antidote? Sharing vulnerably what we believe without any agenda of convincing others, listening openly and connecting with others in respectful and open conversation.
