Being a working mom means existing in the tension between feeling like you’re killing it and feeling utterly inadequate. My hours and days are often splintered among my work life, my marriage, my children, and time for myself. It’s amazing and it’s tough, because I can only give my full self to something for a few moments before the next person requires my attention.
As I became a parent, I struggled briefly with the choice to work or stay home with my children. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t have any frame of reference for what it would be like to be a household with two working parents.
By the time we started our family, I’d already invested thousands of dollars and several years into my career aspirations and I found my work to be incredibly fulfilling. At the end of my first maternity leave, I felt desperate for the rhythm of work, and equally heartbroken to leave my baby in someone else’s care all day.
In an effort to have the “best of both worlds,” for several years I split my working hours between remote work from home and being in the office. It was as challenging as it was wonderful.
I spent my days torn between paranoia that I’d be perceived as unproductive on those days (I wasn’t) and concern that my children were getting far too much screen time (they were, but they’re fine). And yet, my years home with babies laid a foundation of precious memories and I’m grateful for them.
Colleen Cook works full-time as the Director of Operations at Vinyl Marketing in Ashland, where she resides with her husband Mike and three young daughters. She’s an insatiable extrovert who enjoys finding reasons to gather people.
At work, I often feel like my best self. Each day, my mind is challenged and I’m able to bring value to the people in my sphere. Work is stressful, but it’s emboldened and refined me in ways I can’t even fully describe.
That feeling of empowerment can be seductive in a way dirty diapers and crayons scattered over every inch of our dining room is not. It can be a real struggle to morph into a mommy from my strong female leader mentality when I walk through the door at the end of the day.
Yet, in that same moment, my children squeal my name and run to me, throwing their pudgy little arms and sticky hands around my neck.
On good days, I am able to soak up their kisses and play. I’m able to pour out my energy and love because I’ve been recharged in my time at work. I’m able to imagine fun activities. I’m equipped to have hard conversations. I’m available to snuggle and kiss their foreheads. And we’re able to sink into familiar routines of bedtime stories and songs and morning dance parties in the drop-off line.
The lessons I’m learning in parenthood pour over into work as well. Mothering my children has taught me to believe that the people I work with want to be great at their jobs and can grow in their roles given the opportunity.
Because I’m a parent, I’m more patient, more compassionate, and more direct in addressing problems. I have more grace for people than I did before, and I am better able to see the importance of boundaries for everyone, not just parents, than ever before. (Side note: childless adults, I hereby give you permission to exert healthy boundaries around your adult life, regardless of whether you have children automatically drawing those lines for you! We all get to say “no.”)
Sometimes, I’m not as good at transitioning from work to home and back again. The stress of the day pours into the evening, and I’m distracted or exhausted, or I’m blurring the boundaries of work and home, trying to squeeze in a few emails after dinner. On some mornings, whiny tantrums bleed into the start of my day and the early morning exertion of energy can be hard to shake off.
It’s in those moments that I’m learning that work/life balance is not a static thing that I’ll ever achieve, but instead a dynamic balancing act, with tiny adjustments in the moment to keep things upright. Sometimes, I topple. Then, I pick myself up and try to once again find my center of gravity once again.
