Proponents of backyard chickens in Mansfield announced a change in their legislative strategy today by abandoning both backyards and chickens.
Their new urban agriculture theory?
Free range front-yard ostriches.
In a press release delivered – oddly enough – via Carrier Pigeon and dated April 1, Citizens for Mansfield Backyard Chickens (CMBC) explained their unexpected pivot in advocacy.
“While we have seen great support for backyard chickens in Mansfield and the numerous benefits to the citizenry are obvious, we felt that our legislation didn’t have the ‘wow’ factor that would really mark Mansfield as a progressive, forward-thinking city,” the release states.
The move to frontyard ostriches will yield several additional benefits to neighborhoods that chickens just cannot provide, said the group spokesperson Josh Werner.
“Number one, the egg weight to maintenance ratio is off the chart. Chicken eggs are a little more convenient to handle, but the average Ostrich egg weighs nearly five pounds and is the equivalent to two dozen chicken eggs.” Atkins and low-carb diet people take note — that’s a lot of protein.
Werner continued to explain the group’s change in direction by citing the unique home security advantages of free-range ostriches.
“Male ostriches stand eight feet high, have an extremely powerful kick, and can run 35 to 40 miles per hour. They are also fiercely territorial,” he said.
Having a few territorial ostriches running around the neighborhood would immediately deter burglars and other criminal types.
“Look, if I’m a criminal and I see an eight-food bird with a razor-sharp toe-claw running at me … I’m moving on to easier pickings,” he noted.
Werner offered the following graphic laying out how just such an encounter would unfold.
Werner admitted the CMBC was unsure how free-range ostriches would play when they take the proposal to city council later this month.
“We don’t want to count our chickens, but we had to hatch a plan that didn’t keep all our eggs in one basket,” he said. “For our flock of supporters to grow, we had to fly the coop of convention. We just hope the legislation doesn’t lay an egg.”
